just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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