just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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