I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
