Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
