drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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