PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
