dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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