Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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