You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
