Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
