...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
