You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
