This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
