omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
