i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
