If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
