This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
