my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
