Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
