well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize