I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
