Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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