i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
