Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
