weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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