Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
