i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
