im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
