do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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