garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
