Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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