fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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