I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
