Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize