I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
