i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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