somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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