she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
wow bdsm is so cute
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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