it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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