My balls are so social today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
