What a fucking waste of an outfit
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
