Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
