He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
