And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
