Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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