don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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