Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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