just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
