OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
