Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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