I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
