it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
