The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
