sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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