I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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