i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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