I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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