dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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