Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
