i may or may not be watching the land before time
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
