Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's blow job season.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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