I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
