seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
