she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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