i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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